Halt! ✋ This post discusses sexual topics, thought not overly explicit. If you do not wish to read about such topics, skip this blog post.
One of the ways I like to spend my free time is by writing. Back in school, whenever we had to write a text for english class, I would try to write in a funny way or sprinkle in jokes, which my professor both enjoyed and encouraged. Thus, I developed a positive relationship with the english language as well as writing in it. You'd think that I would enjoy writing in german just as much, considering it's my mother tongue, but no. The texts we had to write in german all had a kind of template to them. Introduction, go through the bullet points, conclusion; no room for personal expression. Be formal, unless stated otherwise. You could argue that it was the same in english, but my professor was just hella chill and let me have fun. I'm very thankful for that.
So, what type of texts do I write now that I've been out of school for a few years? Do I write essays on subjects I find interesting? Do I engage in discourse in public forums? Do I share things about myself by running a diary on a personal website? 😳 That last one sounds fun, I should look into it. Jokes aside, my desire to write played a key role in the creation of this site. A blog was probably the first thing I knew I wanted to have on here. That explains why I had my first blog post written before I had the about page implemented (lol).
Anyway, the stuff I write other than these blog entries is for the most part adult oriented fiction. The lewd and dirty kind. Smut, if you will. It's one thing to have racy thoughts and enjoy them as is, but putting them into words... it's something else entirely. When working on something for a while, you'll naturally come up with ideas on how to improve your work. While writing, I am usually in an excited state and come up with additional ways to spice up the story. It's sort of like writing a screenplay with how I envision the characters acting out the scene. Compared to just imagining it, writing it down forces me to think about details that otherwise would have never come to mind.
However, there's an issue with writing lewd stories, which is that it takes forever. That's because it doesn't take long before I inevitably feel the need to relieve myself. And if I do, I have to take a break from writing. To write a passionate scene, you have to be passionate yourself, if you know what I mean. This made me ask myself the following question: Do NSFW artists also have this problem? I would assume they do, but I don't know. Maybe it differs from person to person; That always seems to be the answer when it comes to human behavior.
Posted on 16.2.2025
I have been baking bread from time to time ever since I was little. The recipe I had been using was alright, but last year I decided I wanted to improve my baking. I asked my parents to gift me a baking course for christmas, which they happily did (not only because they are sweet and nice and kind, but also because I then would be able to bake better bread for them).
The course took place last Friday and taught me how to make three different pastries: Mohnflesserl, Salzstangerl and Semmeln. I had fun and learned a lot. As baking bread takes a long time, since you need to let it rest for quite some time, we spent most of the time learning how to form the dough and were only shown how to make it. At the end, we got to eat the bread the instructors made and took home what we made. It was delicious.
Today I tried applying what I learned. It turned out pretty well, all in all. Below is a picture of the batch I made today. (Top-right: Mohnflesserl, Top-left: Salzstangerl, Bottom: Semmeln)
I could have maybe left them in the oven a bit longer and at a lower temperature. The top was dark and the sides at the bottom where doughy. My parents enjoyed them regardless, so that's good. It's not like I didn't enjoy them as well; They were good, no doubt, they just weren't flawless. They'll be better next time, I'm sure.
Posted on 30.1.2025
I have known about the existence of the Internet Archive for a long time, but have never actually taken the time to explore it. Prior to today, I have only on occasion used the Wayback Machine to look at old Uni exercises. I am writing this post after having spend about two and a half hours browsing the site to document what I've come across.
Okay, technically I just lied. Two days ago, I was searching for PDF versions of the Pathfinder 2e TTRPG books and found them on the archive. I was amazed. I already knew about Pathfinder's core rule books being freely available, but there was so much extra stuff as well, like character sheets for all classes and a 3D model of an owlbear! This short trip to the archive motivated me to explore is again today.
My exploration mainly consisted of going through the top collection that caught my eye. Very quickly I stumbled across a collection of what seemed to be cracked Linux versions of various video games. (Well, I can't really call it stumbling if all you have to do is scroll down a little bit on the main page.) I did not download any of them, since they could include malware. This planted the thought in my mind that some of the stuff on the archive might not be on there legally. Who would have guessed!
There's lots of books on the site, which is what I mainly expected there to be. Classical books from the public domain, magazines, manuals, but also lots of guides to drawing, which I found interesting. There are also a lot of books like "The Art of [Movie/Series]", which could be fun to read. Manga exists as a collection of its own and similarly featured drawing guides, but also Berserk, the first half of Naruto, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 8 and much more.
This made me ponder about the ethics of the archive again. I do think it's a really cool project and incredibly important to have a preservation effort like this. The amount of knowledge stored in the archive is bewildering. From what I could tell, their Terms of Service state that they may remove content from the archive if (for example) the author expresses that they do not want their work shared on it. This comes across as taking the work and asking for forgiveness later. Of course, it's not the archive that's engaging in such practices, but the users. The question then is should there be moderation to prevent this? Is there already moderation? I don't know, but what I do know is that it would be a fool's errand to try and sift through all of the archives content. I can only imagine how much stuff is uploaded onto the site every day.
What didn't make me ponder about ethics was historical video footage. It makes sense that it would be on there, but I did not expect to see both the Hindenburg disaster and the execution of Benito Mussolini today. The last thing I looked at was not the large amount of pornographic content, but rather a collection of Flash games. I played a round of The Binding of Isaac in my browser and will now nerd out about it for a second: I had such a good run!! Brimstone in the first devil deal! Polyphemus on the forth floor! Guppy transformation! Mom *snap* died in an instant! It doesn't get much better than this in Flash Isaac as far as I know! I have all achievements in The Binding of Isaac: Repentance, but maybe I should also complete the Flash version. I have it on Steam, I could go for it. I'll think about it. Oh, but also, can we talk about the music in that game?? It's so good! I am listening to the main theme while writing this. What a bop. Danny Baranowsky has made so many great soundtracks throughout the years, it's crazy.
To finish off this post I want to state that I have now implemented the exit page, but without a guestbook. Maybe I'll add one in the future, who knows. I did however add a waving emoji in its place. That should make up for it ^^. Also, as you have clearly already noticed, I changed the site's font! I like it. It has more of a playful feel to it. Also also, you can now find a button that you can embed on your site to link to this one. I made it, because most pages I have looked at thus far have one and I felt peer pressured. Currently, it is a miniature remake of the cloud background. Perhaps I will change it in the future to be something else, but this will do for now. Also also also, the blog entries are now collapsible! (Almost forgot to mention that, ups.) This will definitely postpone the blog's inevitable navigation problem at least for a little bit.
Posted on 12.1.2025
The title of this post says it all. I felt very productive today and don't even feel all too exhausted.
I woke up early and went to the dentist. My sleep schedule has been quite crooked for soon to be a month, so this was already an achievement in my eyes. The dentist was very happy with how clean my teeth were. It made me think of the below image. (Click the image to enlarge it!)
Later, I helped in cooking lunch and in the afternoon I started doing uni work. I pretty much completed the work I had to do for one of my courses and finished my second to last batch of math exercises for the semester. Hurray!
Do you want to know the craziest part? All the work I did today was fun and enjoyable! Shocker! The math exercises were harmless and for the other course I played a text-based adventure game about encryption. Very unique, I will say.
Posted on 2.1.2025
I believe I was seven when I had this dream/vision/idea/whatever you wanna call it: An old man was sitting in a rocking chair on a balcony, enjoying the setting sun’s glow and the colors of the evening sky that accompany it. In this moment I was witnessing, the world was tranquil and the old man’s head was filled with thoughts of his loving wife, children, and grand-children. I was not shown what his wife looked like, but I knew she was close, just a room or so away. I also knew that this old man was me.
This is what I want the end of my life to be like. Calm and peaceful. A heart filled with love that has stood the test of time. Like a humble, comfortable evening.
Now that I know what I want my golden years to look like, it’s just a matter of getting there. Currently, I am working on my tertiary education so that I may have a well paying job in the future. I don’t need excessive wealth, just enough to live comfortably and without worry. As I am not currently in a relationship As I have never been in a relationship, somewhere along the line I wish to find someone to share my life with. Someone with whom I can share my joys and sorrows as well as share in theirs, both in sickness and in health. Someone that I love and someone who loves me right back. Someone to cuddle with, to hug, to kiss. Maybe I should actually go to dance school in preparation, but there isn’t anyone I would want to dance with other than her! What if she teaches me and we dance together in the living room while we look in each others eyes- I am getting sidetracked. Writing this is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The last thing I am worried about is that in 50 years the world may not be what I envisioned it to be. What I’m getting at is that I am worried about climate change. I want my children and grand-children to have the same prospects of an enjoyable life as I have, or better ones, and that sadly won’t be possible if the planet is on fire.
The song “Comedy” by Gen Hoshino (one of the openings for the anime “Spy x Family”, great show, very funny, go watch it) captures what I believe I am looking and hoping for in a romantic relationship pretty well. There’s also an excellent english cover by Will Stetson if you prefer.
Anyhow, since I am writing this at night again, it is already the second of January. Regardless, happy new year! I have set my sights on the site’s exit page and have started working on it already. You can check it out right now! The only thing missing is its contents, which is the guestbook and buttons to different sites. Buttons will accumulate over time, I’m sure. This reminds me: I need to make a button for my own site for people to use! I’ll add it to the To-Do list.
The guestbook on the other hand is turning out to be much more of a challenge than I thought. When exploring different Neocities, it turns out that oftentimes, if there is a guestbook, it is either a Smart Guestbook or a HTML Comment Box. Sadly, they don’t tell you how they work! They just advertise their service as “quick, easy and free”! I want to know whether or not they can be integrated with what I want the exit to look like! Having said that, if you have a recommendation for how I could/should set up a guestbook, please let me know!
Posted on 29.12.2024
I have added a back button to the about and blog pages! Isn't it pretty? Well, I don't think it's the best way to return to the landing page, since, when using the browsers built in "go back one page" button, the website does not need to reload the large background image. With my back button, it does. Oh well, I'm just glad it works :D
Anyhow, the Steam Winter Sale is currently happening. As such, I bought some more games again: Haiku the Robot, Emberward, Atlyss and Hypnospace Outlaw. I bought them today, or yesterday, if you want to be pedantic (I am writing this a 1AM on the 29th). Thus far, I have started playing Hynospace Outlaw and Atlyss.
Hypnospace Outlaw leans heavily into that early internet aesthetic which lots of people on Neocities often take inspiration from as well. Exploring dozens of little sites, each of which have their own look and feel to them, is really fun. But also funny! The game is very humorous with its portrayal of god-fearing Americans, edgy teenagers, people spreading their esoteric beliefs and others. If you are reading this, you are probably also interested in experiencing such a retro internet landscape, so consider buying it.
Atlyss on the other hand is an RPG that can be played alone or with friends. If you check out its Steam page, you can immediately tell that it's a furry game. I bought it regardless, because the reviews are overwhelmingly positive and the game Pseudoregalia already proved to me that just because a game contains furry-bait doesn't mean it isn't great fun.
The game takes inspiration from early MMOs. I did not grow up with them, so I cannot say whether or not the creators did a good job replicating their vibe. All I can say is that I am enjoying my time with it so far, although I am sure it would be more fun if I played it with friends. (Sidenote: I made my character a girl because I find them attractive. Maybe furries are onto something...)
Posted on 18.12.2024
As stated in the previous blog entry, the cloud background, which is currently the background image for the landing page, about page and the blog - I plan to make a unique image for each page, don't worry - is my first proper digital artwork. There were prior ones, yes, but this is the first picture that I have sunk multiple days or effort into. It was very fun to paint! Of course, as I am a novice, I had a reference to guide me. You can view the reference image here.
When I first found this picture while browsing google images for inspiration, I immediately knew that I wanted to try and recreate it. The colorful gradients, the lively clouds, the asymmetry guiding your gaze leftwards towards the implied sun; I could complement this picture for at least minutes... which makes it all the more tragic that it is most likely AI generated.
Why do I believe this? Well, try as I might, I cannot find an original creator. When I reverse image search the picture, the only sites that come up are stock image sites with multiple suspiciously similar looking cloud images. Also, on one of these sites, the image description included "made by .", indicating to me that they also don't know who made it. Probably because nobody did.
What a shame! Not only have I been fooled, but I also can't credit anyone!
Oh well, it's not all bad. No matter where the reference image came from, I can still take pride in what I made. I put in time, I put in effort and I had fun doing it. Having said that, after finishing the painting and looking at it through a critical lens, I can definitely tell that I could have done certain parts differently or could have approached it in a different way altogether. But, hey, being able to see your mistakes and learn from them is a sign of growth!
Also, I am pretty sure I should come up with a more practical way of displaying the blog entries. Now it's not too bad, but what if I one day have 100 blog posts? Just having them all in a row seems like a pain to navigate. I'll probably think of a solution once I take the plunge and learn Javascript. Also also, on the about page, you will see that I have made a Bluesky account to use as a messaging interface. So if you want to send me a message, do it there! I don't plan on posting over there though - or using it for anything other than messaging in general - but maybe future Bem thinks otherwise.
Posted on 7.12.2024
Finally, I can speak! I have been looking forward to being able to write on here for over three weeks now! I created this site on the 14th of last month, but only wanted to start writing once I made some graphics to have it look appealing. However, this took a while. I decided that I want all the pictures used to decorate the site to be of my own creation. Furthermore, I want to make them digitally, which is why I recently (like, in October, I think) bought myself a drawing tablet. I don't want to say that I bought it specifically for this purpose, but I won't deny it either. The colorful cloud background of the landing page was my first real artwork made with the tablet (and one of my first, ever), so it took quite some time to finish. Also, university work got in the way of me drawing more than I would have liked.
Thankfully, creating the buttons for the about page, blog page, etc. only took an afternoon, meaning a few days ago I could finally start actually working on the site. Oh, how I missed HTML! The last time I made a website was back in school. I forgot almost everything, but the relearning process has been a blast so far!
I'll soon talk more about what my plans for this site are in the about-section as well as introduce myself properly. But, in short, I want to use this site as a creative outlet. I want to learn how to draw and share my process! I might start learning Blender as well! I want to write! Be it short stories, anecdotes or about anything else that interests me! I want to make friends! I want to see all of the wonderful sites you people have made, are making and will make in the future and compliment these beautiful works of self expression!
I can't wait to explore the web like I always thought it would be like when I was little: Getting lost in a lush forest of endless creativity!
